I was very tempted to write a list of my own following on from what the above says (click it for the bigger version), but it really does cover everything that needs to be said. Frankly, it should take over from the Bible as the most popular piece of factual literature ever printed and it would be difficult for me to add anything worthwhile. Still, I’m going to – because I am a man, and as such my topics of conversation are more important than yours. Though only if you’re female. If you’re male, that’s a bit of a quagmire – I mean, who are we to judge which man is more important than the other? How could we possibly put value on what an individual (male) has to say over another person (of the same sex: male)? We couldn’t, which is why all men should never talk to each other, lest they have opinions and ruin the day.
Anyway, it’s list time!
- When your man-master (from here on referred to as ‘manster’) says “jump”, you ask “how high?” You then receive a beating for questioning his command.
- When your manster tells you that the television show you are watching is shit, you immediately turn the TV off. You should then take to the set with a hammer, destroying any chance of whatever celebrity gobshite was on the show defiling the sanctity of your home ever again.
- If your manster demands beans, you should have beans to hand.
- Make sure you’re always “store-testing” for fresher coffee. Or: this happens.
- When your manster is enjoying a brief, ten-hour session of videogaming delights, bear these things in mind: shut up, get out of the way, stop questioning things that are going on in the game and for the love of god don’t you dare laugh at it. Unless commanded to do so, of course.
- When your manster tells you that you do indeed look good in whatever you are wearing, he is lying. You should immediately go and disfigure yourself as penance – though make sure it isn’t in an area visible to others when fully clothed. You wouldn’t want to embarrass your manster, now – would you?
- Because if you embarrass him…
- Know your role, and shut your mouth.
I think that about covers the extra-basics. Read, ingest and fully take on board, and together we can create a better society. One where we are all as equal as we deserve to be, and women are as subservient as they should be.