What will it be like when I get old?

Unfortunately there was never a definite point in life when I suddenly became an adult. I mean, I still find farts the height of comic sophistication and the first thing I do when given a pen and piece of paper is draw a knob, so I’m clearly not really a grown up. But then you realise what’s been playing on your mind for the last few weeks – money worries, unpaid bills, something about council tax bands – and you realise that WHOOPS ALFUCKINGMIGHTY, you’re supposed to be a real person now.

Well I don’t think it’s on, and I propose that the inevitable arrival of a Tory Cunt Government should bring with it a complete change on how growing up is handled, so the youth of today don’t go through what we’ve all been through when they realise they’re concerned about the longevity of a bookshelf they’ve had their eye on. For argument’s sake, I’d say it’ll last you a good ten years – at least.

The Jewish faith has it nailed on, more or less – a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah, where the child becomes responsible for their own actions. In essence, they become an adult. We need a modified version of this for Britain as a whole, to hit at a different point depending on your circumstances. Obviously early school leavers would have to have the ceremony held at 16, probably in-between shifts at the call centre (and only if they have team leader permission). Whereas the layabouts like me who went to uni would have to wait until they were about 24/25 for the event – after all, post-uni you need a good few years to adjust to the fact that you’re expected to do things now, so throwing someone still adjusting straight into adulthood could have dire, explosive consequences.

Basically, what I’m saying is: I don’t like paying bills. Fuck you bills, fuck you EON and your debt collection agencies and fuck you mobile phones for letting those pricks get in touch with me.

Good day.



Filed under Prattle

4 responses to “What will it be like when I get old?

  1. smellmycheese

    I don’t like the fact that now I’m an “adult” I’m supposed to know stuff like what lightbulbs to buy, how to read a map and how to sew on a button.
    Which is why I still get my Mum to sew my buttons on, refuse to attempt any form of map-reading and ask the Wilkos lady to show me which lightbulb I need.
    HA. Take that, 28!

  2. Gem

    I think I’ve just about come around to the idea of being an actual grown up. It was kind of forced upon me by living alone, and whilst I’d predicted an epic meltdown in both finance, mental health and social skills, I’ve managed to tough it out for seven months, I even paid (most) bills and even put the dishwasher on once or twice. An official coming of age (plus handbook) would be useful though, as it’s taken me 27 years to learn how to do things like read meters and not evade council tax.

  3. Gem

    Some of that didn’t make sense as I’m tired after a busy day of being an adult.

  4. Pascale

    I’m older than anyone and I’m not grown up….I win?

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