Trian crush

I think things really do need to be made bigger than they are. I’m currently sat (at the TIME OF WRITING) on a train, where I am quite literally wedged into my chair. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be able to get out again. In fact, if you never get to read this entry, you’ll know I never managed to wiggle my way free.

This isn’t a Kevin Smith-style rant about how public transport should cater more for fat fatty fat fats. Don’t get me wrong: I am a reasonable fatty, but I’m not on Smith’s level just yet. No, this is because everything is made for the ridiculous-sized humans that inhabit this world. The “average” sized ones and those who simply aren’t as big as me. I like being tall sometimes – in fact I’ve helped out at least three people in my life simply by being tall. Helps with reaching beans, you see. But generally speaking, it’s nothing but a bane on my existence. Aside from the furniture problems, I have banged my head on numerous doorways and am fairly easy to spot in a crowd, what with my size making me rise above the sea of morons surrounding.

I don’t understand the thinking behind these tiny seats, doorways, low tables and whatever other things they want to make tiny seemingly just to piss me off. Isn’t it scientific fact that people in the past were smaller? So, by that reasoning, people are still getting taller. In 30 years all the kids will be eight feet tall, and adults will hit about 50 on average. So why don’t we work on a constantly shifting scheme when it comes to furniture (and doorways)? Regular updates and upgrades in size would mean no one would ever be uncomfortable again, and while it would cost a fair amount this would be offset by the fact that I wouldn’t be cramped into shitty seats, having to make physical contact with people I hate (though, admittedly, I don’t know).

Just a suggestion. Get on it, British Rail. Or whoever I’m supposed to whine at.

(Yeah it’s a reused image. This week will be bad for images. No Photoshop or access to my original image.)

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