Dreams can come true, or so it was said by Gabrielle. I believe this to be a fact. I also believe, however, that the kind of dreams that come true are the kind of dreams you shouldn’t tell people you’re having, lest they think you are a seriously boring person. “I dreamt I bought a new hammock!” isn’t the kind of thing to set the world on fire, after all. In fact, you’re better off just dreaming that you set the world on fire. It’s more interesting that way.

But “interesting” is a matter of personal taste, especially when it comes to dreams. I cannot count the number of times a friend, colleague, random moron or enemy has decided it would be a good idea to let me in on what their brain made them think the night before. In some cases I don’t actually mind, as some dreams are genuinely funny (for example, the one where a friend dreamt I was a pimp in full-on pimp gear) and I suppose there’s a duty of care to listen to someone recalling a nightmare they’ve just woken up from in a state of shock. Even if they are boring.  I mean, it’s shockingly unoriginal for you to be dying – again – in a dream. Come up with something more novel.

Anyway, my main problem lies with the fact that re-telling a dream to someone is about as interesting as it can get when you’re telling someone something that your brain imagined, in hazy detail and while trying to attach some kind of meaning to it all. Your brain is sorting through the day’s events, it’s a perfectly natural occurrence: get over it. I don’t tell you every time my heart beats. Actually, it would be kind of interesting to tell people that, as they’d be able to work out just how unhealthy and close to death I am right now. But listening to a story about your friend imagining they could fly, or they bought more beans than normal or some other mind-numbing shit needs to stop. Why is it accepted as pretty normal for people to recount their dreams to others, when if I come up with a complete flight of fancy off the top of my head I am often admonished for being ‘weird’?

I don’t like being told about dreams in the most part. They’re a bit too much like blogs, to be honest. In summation: fuck you, dream-talkers.

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