Something has become very apparent over the last few days. I have been analysing myself in some ways, thinking about the past, looking over old photos, rooting through my clothes and arsing about with my stuff and I have come to the conclusion that I stopped evolving as a person in 2005. Now, this isn’t to say things in my life are the same as they were – if that were the case I’d still be living in Leeds (in many ways I wish I was), I’d be either unemployed, doing some bizarre freelance for very little money or working at CEX, I’d be single, I’d still play PES over FIFA and I wouldn’t be as grey (or fat) as I am now.
No, things like that have indeed moved on. I abandoned Leeds in 2008, I got a job in 2009, I bought a rent-a-bride from Switzerland in 2008, I moved back to FIFA in 2008 and I got a lot fatter and greyer through 2005/06/07/08/09/10. That’s all inevitable. Change – that’s real change, and not the “real change” promised by a certain shitty political party – will happen.
But there are so many things about me that have stayed exactly where they were. My clothing options, for one, have remained pretty much exactly the same since 2005, to the point that right now I am wearing a shirt I purchased from Tesco for 50p in that fateful year and some shorts I picked up around Christmas the same time. I have my Xbox 360 switched on, which was delivered to me by a man from Woolworths on December 2, 2005. I still have the kind of facial hair I decided to grow (more accurately: “not shave”) from around that time. A Wilhelm Scream are still my ‘current’ favourite band.
This isn’t an exact science, there are discrepancies and inaccuracies in my claims, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel very much like I stopped at 2005. I ceased to develop, instead remaining the man I have become, stuck in a state of arrested development for what seems like perpetuity. Just with less Will Arnett.
On one hand this could be seen as a failure on my part, becoming stuck in my ways, failing to advance or grow as a person and being so shit I haven’t actually bought any new casual shirts since five years ago. On the other hand, though, it could just be that I achieved absolute perfection in 2005, so I have subconsciously decided there is no need for me to change any more. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which it is.