Mega vote day 2010!

It’s voting day tomorrow, meaning we can all go out there and make a difference! Or not. We can go out there and try, pointlessly, to avert the disaster that would be a Tory government. But then, a Labour government would be a disaster. As would a Liberal Democrat one. They’re all different shades of shit. So what’s the point in voting? I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Right, let’s start again: tomorrow is voting day. Go out there and do whatever it is you want to do – vote for any party, spoil your ballot (do a poo on it!), don’t bother voting, whatever. It makes no difference to anything, as we’re all going to die horrible deaths when the sun explodes in a few months. Wait – what?

Third time lucky: you can go out and have your say in who should run the country tomorrow, so why not do it? You should definitely vote for the Liberal Democrat party – not because you’ve read any of their policies or have analysed and thought through the voting process as a whole, or because you’ve opted for a tactical vote*. No, you should vote for them because that seems to be what all the other kids are doing and we all want to fit in and seem cool! You miserable bag of cun…

Last try: Thursday the 6th of May is the day of the general election. You can go to a voting parlour where you will be given a complimentary handjob with every vote.

Sod this, I’m no good at political opinions or satire. Safe to say, I don’t care who you vote for, or if you even vote. Just remember that if you’re a Tory I will judge you. I am northern and from a not-incredibly-well-off background, so the thought of voting for those abject twats irritates me. Oh yeah, and if you vote for the BNP then you’re a hilarious satirist, or something.

*Bournemouth West, where I live, is a marginal seat for the Tories. Hence, the Lib Dems are actually getting my vote tomorrow.


1 Comment

Filed under Prattle

One response to “Mega vote day 2010!

  1. Tom

    Brilliant coverage, Ian. Honestly. I think I can safely say, without fear of contradiction:

    “Nick Robinson, eat your nob off.”

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