I’ve decided to go down a route I never thought I would – one that I’m taking inspiration from a friend called Jack for. You see, a few years ago he decided that he would ask on a music-based forum a few hundred people frequented if anyone would donate foodstuffs to him, as he was poor and couldn’t afford it himself. The fact of the matter was he could afford it, he had just decided to spend all of his money on booze and records. We laughed at him. A lot.
Then the packages started arriving. He was getting care parcels sent from people he had never met, and they were genuine. They had food in them. They had treats in them and notes wishing him well. He managed to feed himself for months, simply because he had the temerity – the foresight – to ask a bunch of strangers for some food. So I’m going to do something similar, even though I was at the very frontline of people mocking him for being a cheeky, degenerate bastard (I can say that as I was one too).
Except I’m not asking you for food – mine is a simpler, more raw request. I simply require the thing that contributes to me having food, as well as having other things. The clever ones out there will already have worked this out, but if you’re thick and need some help: money. I am asking you for money. Not pissy amounts like 50p or a tenner, so don’t even waste your time offering me a pittance like that. No, I want you to donate thousands of pounds to me right now so I can live in relative comfort for a while. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Well, what are you waiting for? Get on it.