Once again I need to make an amendment to my lifesaver league table/mega tally – no, I haven’t finally snapped and thrown Anna off a moving train, thereby docking me a life-save-point. I have actually added seven whole points to this tally, thanks to an act of heroism so utterly insane in its scope you’ll struggle to really comprehend it unless I break it down into a handy, easily digestible timeline format. This all occurred last night. GO:
2220 hours: Finish delicious meal. Obviously only delicious as I supervised (silently, from the back). Made decision to leave flat.
2222 hours: Checked lift. Said weight limit was “eight persons or 630kg”. Realised there were eight of us and I weigh 100kg. Opted for the stairs.
2229 hours: Once the other people had finally got sorted and left the flat, they all entered the lift and pressed the ground floor button.
2231 hours: Tiring of their inability to make the lift move any further than halfway between the first and second floors, I decided – heroically – to call the fire brigade. They heard the sound of my awesome voice and decided to immediately come along. In about eight minutes.
2235 hours: I inform the stuck parties awaiting my incredible heroism that I am bored of standing around on the ground on my own, and that they are selfish bastards for abandoning me.
2239 hours: The fire brigade turn up, I guide them through the process by which they need to open the lift doors and get people out. I feel suitably heroic.
1051 hours: I am still awaiting a suitable reward for saving seven lives.
And that’s the story for today. Though there’ll be another blog later, as I forgot to do this last night.