Wedding excursion: day one report

Visit to the countryside, day one: arrived in Norwich. Known to locals as “NAARCH”. Ordered taxi on promise it would be far too much money. Promise was later lived up to. Taxi man hid behind sign in car park then shouted subjects from fair distance. Seemed uncouth. Attempted discourse concerning recent footballing events. Resulted in subject ‘Ian’ mumbling something about Heskey. Unknown whether statement was positive or negative.

Arrived at farmhouse within around one half of an hour. Nearly killed deer on drive up. Would have hoped driver would knock off five pounds if deer was hit. Shame was only near miss. Pulled into farmhouse driveway. Subject ‘Anna’ made statement “there’s a goose!”. Need further testing to ascertain she is not actually a four-year-old.

Left farmhouse shortly after. Long walk up driveway saw both subjects tailed. Unknown third party revealed itself to be springer spaniel. Dog proved to be enthusiastic to a frightening degree. Followed subjects far away from its own territory. Subject ‘Anna’ commanded beast back to homestead with point of finger. Spaniel complied. Noted that spaniel also looked like saddest dog alive at this point.

Pub in small village. Burger aspirated. Local beef. Local ale. Title: ‘Afternoon Delight’. Invoked Arrested Development and Anchor Man. Cricket landed on subject ‘Ian’. He absolutely did not squeal and flail like a little girl. Numerous (two (2)) classic cars pulled into driveway. Subject ‘Ian’ claimed one to be Model T Ford. Further testing necessary to ascertain if he is actually full of shit or not.

Return to farmhouse uneventful bar subject ‘Anna’ writing on road. Subject used water bottle. Showed capability to use rudimentary tools. More study required. N.B. Message unrecorded.

Subject ‘Ian’ spent time throwing sticks for springer spaniel into river. Seen laughing. Further study necessary to see if subject needs dog. Early signals point to yes.

Subjects retired to room. Managed to find fan in cupboard. Will be rewarded for industriousness.

ENDS

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