Escape to the country, or something

Returning from wedding-geddon I find myself filled with many questions: why was only Pimm’s available for free? Why am I so hilariously incompetent when it comes to sitting on the floor while wearing a suit? Why would no one sing Toto with me? But all of these pale in comparison to the main one that popped up over the weekend. Namely: would I enjoy living in the countryside?

Now I’m from a town in the middle of the countryside – that is to say it’s a small town, a lot bigger than a village, surrounded by fields and green stuff. It’s in the countryside, but it’s not what you would consider a countryside town. So I kind of grew up in the country, but not really at all. Yeah, how’s that for all over the place logic?

But my version of the country was nothing like this. This was just brilliant – all winding, empty country lanes with no street lights and more wildlife than you can (angrily) shake a stick at (while chasing dragonflies). The kind of place where it actually gets dark enough for you to see the stars (note to city folk: there are more than three stars in the sky) and where when it’s quiet, it’s fucking quiet.

But could I live there? Let’s see: I’m a hermit at the best of times, I value solitude and I can never afford to go out anyway. I don’t like people, I detest many facets of modern culture and I have never bought into the whole ‘city living’ thing. I like rivers, I want to live somewhere I can realistically (and fairly) have a dog and being somewhere where you don’t hear police sirens every twenty minutes or so is an effing revelation*.

On the other hand, if the internet breaks in the country there’s no way to get it sorted super-fast, and the list of Just Eat takeaways delivering to the NR20 postcode region has to be small at best (quick look on the site reveals it doesn’t even have NR20 listed).And what if I wanted a Double Decker at 3am? No chance. So there are some huge obstacles to overcome.

But even with those – admittedly huge – negative points, I still think I was destined to live like the cranky old hermit I am; just with far worse hay fever than I get in cities or on the coast.

*1. Anna actually pointed this out to me, so well done her.
2. Bournemouth manages less than one every 20 minutes – more like one a day at least.


1 Comment

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One response to “Escape to the country, or something

  1. Dan

    you should move to the countryside, i live there now, it’s great. i went for a big walk the other day and didn’t see or hear a single other person, just my dogs and a load of sheep and donkey (i think donkey should be the plural of donkey, even if it’s not, maybe even donkee). i also went on a really long walk the other weekend at 4am when i was drunk, that was amazing, i’ve written half a blog about it so far, i’m sure you’ll love it.

    the rubbish internet and lack of shops are the main downsides, but you get used to it. i just stock up on things, and buy dvds instead of downloading them. the only downside is that i haven’t found a single small shop round here that sells microwave popcorn, i’d have to go to a proper supermarket. and there’s a brilliant chinese round here that’s open late, so i just have to drive there sometimes.

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