I went through a lull in recent years when it came to eating biscuits. Back in the day when I was waited on hand and foot by the parents I never had to think of where the endless supply of tasty treats was coming from – I just accepted it, revelled in it, bathed in it (sometimes literally (never literally)). But when I evacuated for pastures new I just fell out of contact with biscuits and things stayed that way for years.
I’m back in the biscuit hammock now though – WITH SOME VENGEANCE. And I would like to share with you all what is unquestionably the greatest biscuit known to man. I would like to tell you what it is, to tell you why it is the greatest and to inform you of where you can pick up this biscuit so you too can partake in this frivolous biscuitry.
I would like to, but I cannot. For you see, there are far too many stunning biscuits in this word for me to simply pick one and tell you it’s the bestest ever. I could opt for Bourbon Creams, but that wouldn’t be right. I could go for Custard Creams, but that would be daft. Fig Rolls? Hardly biscuits. Hob Nobs? Fucking brilliant, but are they better than the previously mentioned biccies, or cookies, or Digestives, or Rich Teas, or Ginger Nuts, or… you get the picture.
So what is the greatest biscuit ever committed to biscuitdom? Would you include Jaffa Cakes (no, because they’re cakes)? Do you even care? Will I be able to do a better blog tomorrow? Who knows.
You should go and buy the Special Editions of The Secret Of Monkey Island and Monkey Island 2 now, by the way.