Dogs are clearly the greatest creatures known to man – better than humans, some would say. I would probably say that, before correcting myself once I realised how daft a statement it was. Regardless, dogs are indeed brilliant. I do not have a dog right now, but I have talked about my old dog in the past – and how I still have regular dreams about her. I need something to combat this. What could combat this?

A puppy.

Unfortunately, I am not in the position to get a puppy right now. I work too much, live in shared housing with an insane landlord and don’t earn enough to look after myself, never mind a tiny pooch.

But one day soon I will get said tiny pooch and make it my own. It will be called something like Shane (though that’s a horse’s name) and it will be a good, big dog. Not a rubbish, small dog. It will learn simple tricks like how to fetch me beer and it will kill all those who oppose me.

It will torment and murder my enemies, defend my fortress from assault and guard the very gates of my domain. While having three heads.

I think I may have gone a step too far into the realms of Cerberus here, rather than just a puppy. Sorry, I’m a bit drunk. Night.



Filed under Prattle

4 responses to “Puppies!

  1. angryjedi

    Surely even Cerberus was a puppy once.

  2. Anna

    Alfie doesn’t fetch beer or shred enemies. He might poo in their shoes though (and then ruin it by getting tangled up in a rosebush and hiccuping).

  3. Tom

    Your dog must grow into Dog from Dragon Age.

    I named him Montague; he enjoyed walks in the park, lacerating the unrighteous and licking fresh gore from my fisog.

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