I want to go to Las Vegas. I think that my gambling problem, which I clearly do have, would be a lot different over there. Rather than getting caught up in the madness and throwing all of my cash (which I don’t actually have) down the greedy gullets of the casinos (which definitely aren’t run by the mob) I think my inherent Yorkshireness would take over.
“How much?!” it would say, as I approached a table. “You can’t spend much, you need to save some for a rainy day” it would add as I consider trading in everything I own for a few more chips. “Don’t bet more than $1 a hand, otherwise you won’t have enough for PIES later on,” it’ll throw in just to remind me that I’m a fat bastard who likes pies.
I think it would be a more interesting trip from the perspective that I would appear to be a dodgy bastard to any and all pit bosses across Nevada. I don’t only get nervous when I’m doing something I shouldn’t be – I get nervous when I’m near someone in authority who stops people from doing things they shouldn’t be, even when I’m not even considering doing things I am not supposed to be doing. Ya dig?
I would fully expect to be ejected from multiple casinos for being some kind of cheat, thief or rapist just for sitting at a table trying to act like I’m minding my own business (when in reality I’m actually just trying to mind my own business). Ejections ala the head-first bloke on Casino spring to mind.
I probably wouldn’t even get any free drinks.
Yeah, I think Vegas would be a great trip to go on. Someone sort it out for me – I can’t afford it right now. Gambled all my money away. I mean… umm…