Today is a wonderful day. I’m not from a religious family, nor one of much ceremony, so I never had anything like a ceremony that acknowledged my entry into the world of Being A Man. But today I know I have taken my first steps into a greater world. I returned home from work but a boy, and two minutes later I was a man.
And it didn’t even involve a donkey.
No, I received through the post a piece of junk mail from a credit card company. In it, I was informed I had been ‘pre-approved’ for a card and could enjoy such benefits as a credit limit of up to £1,000 and the spectacularly wonderfully great interest rate of 39.9%.
This is the first time I have ever received a pre-approved credit card bit of junk mail, most likely because I’ve been such a bum all of my life. While I felt like I was 50 per cent man after opening and glancing at the letter, I knew I needed to take the final step – I needed to show some initiative so I could join the likes of Chuck Norris and Brian Blessed in Absolute Manhood.
And so I did. I took the letter, I tore it asunder and I threw it callously into the bin. But still something was wrong. This is a learning process, you have to remember, and without guidance I had actually forgotten one important factor: I hadn’t swore under my breath when I binned it. This, as we all know, would have cursed the junk mail to the seventh circle of hell, banished there forevermore.
Next time though, I will make sure to get it right. Then, and only then, will I be 100 per cent man.