How to fix my ankle FOREVER

My ankle’s been hurting a bit more recently thanks to the cold weather. Seeing as it will never heal, it got me thinking about cybernetic implants. Obviously. I could have my ankle replaced with a newer, better, stronger, faster, more muscular ankle (with lasers). But why stop there?

I could have laser guided knees to replace my old-fashioned, quite shit knees. I could tear out my ribs and have them replaced with cyber-ribs – cyber-ribs which also double as a genuine xylophone. I could finally live out my childhood Kano fantasies and have half of my face replaced with metal and a red eye (that shoots lasers, of course). Ah, headbutting people.

I could get my brain replaced with a metal one – more useful for not much, of course, but it would probably make me more intelligent than I am. Because… metal. Or something. Arms: replaced with laser-firing hooks. Laser-firing hooks: replaced with laser-firing hands. The possibilities truly are endless, especially as I’m making it all up in my (non-metallic) brain.

Actually, I’d probably settle for less cutting edge technology to replace my ailing ankle. Of course I am referring to a peg-leg. It’s clearly one of the coolest replacement limbs ever, even if it doesn’t come with any lasers.

Obviously this all leads to Deus Ex-style moral and ethical implications and decisions to take into consideration. And these are the kind of considerations I can’t make when I have a headache and there’s rum to get drink… ed.

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