I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts recently, and I’m quite annoyed because I can’t quite narrow down why. But that’s the thing – I don’t think it is any one thing, more a combination of many factors coming together and just bringing me down. And no Anna, I don’t mean you. Shut up.
I feel disjointed, like I can’t settle. This isn’t a feeling I’ve had since moving 300 miles away from anything I ever considered home, so I find it hard to believe it’s any kind of homesickness. Though maybe it is. Maybe I’m missing the life I had up north, which tended to involve sleeping, finishing all the games I owned and drinking. It certainly couldn’t be me missing the people from that part of my life, as I am a hateful man full of hateful hate.
Maybe I want a dog or something.
Maybe it’s because even though I work a full-time job I’m still no better off than I was before. Some things have changed, but they’re not down to anything I’ve done. Maybe the stress of that is still affecting me.
Maybe it’s the thought that at some point Anna will have to go back to Manchester. Even though she has been sitting next to me for about a week now not saying a word and just playing WOW, I do like having her around. The thought of not seeing even for another week is enough to make me want to cry myself to death*. I fucking hate Bournemouth for being where it is. Not that I was forced to come here, and I like it here. I’m just saying.
I am tired, and when I’m tired I tend to go a bit mental and emotional. LIKE A WOMAN HA HA HA. It’s probably just tiredness. I’ll get some proper sleep down my gullet and before you know it I’ll be back to my usual, happy-go-lucky self. Oh no, wait.
Whatever it is, I know it’s been making me squiffy, and making me seem ‘off’ for a while now. To anyone why has been confused, annoyed, offended or worried for/by/with me: shut up and leave me alone. No, wait… the other one. I don’t know. I’m confused.
Thus ends a diary-like entry and a shameless display of self-pity. I apologise for nothing.
*Original, less-funny line deleted for this hyperbolic-but-funnier line.