Have you ever thought you might be a serial killer? Or could be? Or would be? I remember once, as a child, pulling the wings off a fly. This means I have a history of cruelty to animals. I hit my dog once or twice, too, though I always apologised afterwards. Still, the history is there, just as it was with all the real life killers of many – they all started out setting fire to geese, launching beagles out of hammocks into walls and harassing albino gorillas. Therefore I am exactly the same.
Also, we’re watching Criminal Minds as I write this – it’s like CSI, only not incredibly shite (just mildly shite) and starring Fat Tony from The Simpsons. The serial killer in it was just standing over one of her new abductees. I thought to utter: “hello, my pretty”. The serial killer then said something like: “hello, my pretty”. This, added to the animal torture I took part in as a child, has convinced me I am a serial killer in waiting.
Plus of course we cannot forget that I have murderous rages every now and then, resulting in the death of one or more people over the course of a couple of days with ritualistic or sexual overtones behind the events. That’s the third reason I think I might be a serial killer. Brutal animal cruelty, saying the same things as TV serial killers and actually killing people. I worry for your safety.
N.B. Above may be a joke/not entirely serious. #iamspartacus