It’s 3am, you’re not getting a picture.
Here’s one for you – I have whined in the past about not being sure if I can keep going. I’ve complained that my entries here every day haven’t been great, and for a time I worried if I would be able to complete all of the initial year of posts. I succeeded, by the way. But that doesn’t change the fact I’ve complained non-stop about making myself do this nonsensical charade. But never – not once – have I openly questioned the point in doing all of this. I have never thought there’s no need and I might as well quit.
Far from it, I’ve thought what you might call “the exact opposite”. I decided long ago this was a good way to challenge myself in a manner I might actually follow through with. I always saw the point as a result of that mentality.
But recently I’ve been unable to concentrate, listless (more so than normal) and completely lacking in the ability to see any bigger picture. I’m going to continue, I’m sure, I’m going to carry on filling these pages with utter shit that some of you convince yourselves is passable and I’m probably going to have a few more rants in future – though less about trains, as I don’t have to use them as much anymore.
But – but – I’m struggling to see the point in doing this right now. Not I don’t want to, not I don’t care, or I see no benefit, or I’m bored or anything like that. I just see no point in it. It feels like a complete irrelevance to me right now. Blame it on the few beers I’ve had, blame it on the utterly shit week I’ve had, blame it on the boogie – I don’t care what you blame it on, because I don’t care.