Murdering boredom, one gadget at a time

Strange that I’ve decided to write this now, seeing as my travelling will be cut down severely from what it was only recently. Still, an idea of what to write here is exactly that, and if I think I can make it mildly amusing for myself then that’s fine – it takes up a day of the blog, which is definitely the right attitude to have about this whole thing. Right, onto business.

I travel a bit (see above for caveats) – as such I need to have with me things that can make boredom disappear. To be fair, that’s all we ever do throughout our entire lives. Try and argue with that point and you’ll fail – everything anybody ever does is in order to avoid being bored. Hence why games are brilliant and if you dismiss them you’re a fucking dickhead. Ahem. Where was I? Ah yes – travelling is a special case for boredom-killing though, as you tend to be cooped up with no way of just going for a walk or wandering listlessly around your flat, brushing your new haircut into amusingly shit styles (that you know you’ll probably stick with in coming weeks, as your hair is always shit and you hate it anyway). You’re sitting, with no escape. You need to mind-escape. You need shit.

I have an ever-increasing pile of crap I can throw into my bag and pull out at any point to make boredom go bye-bye. Let’s just list them, rather than babble on incoherently here:

PSP
I love my PSP, still, even though everybody in the world hates them. It hurts my hands to play it for a long time, but it has some great games and the ability to play any PSone game I want on it. With some creative modifications of legal firmware, naturally. It used to be the main port of call, until I got…

Tiny Laptop
Possibly the best thing I’ve ever bought. It’s 10.1 inches of sheer pleasure HAHAHA COCK JOKE LOL LOL LOL LMFAO LOLOLOLOLOLsigh. But yeah, it can play old PC games and movies, and I can work on it too should I need to. Plus it does an internet where it’s available (i.e. not many places). £160 and the Best Thing Ever? Yeah, I’ll take that.

DS
Doesn’t get touched as much as it used to. In fact, last time I played it on a train I put on Cooking Mama for ten minutes before I realised I was being judged by everyone around me for playing a game where you chop onions as fast as you can. Naturally, this meant I just played it more. Louder. Harder. With shouting involved. Then called them all cunts and ran off laughing like a maniac*. *May not have happened.

iPad
The new addition to the family and untested on the road, this little Apple thing could well turn out to be brilliant. I’ve already downloaded War & Peace on it, so I can pretend to read it and look like a really smug twat. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s an app where you can pretend to read Dostoyevsky and actually have a Dan Brown book hidden inside it. Not that I’d ever read Dan Brown, but for the purposes of the joke let’s pretend I would. Then let’s all collectively vomit at that thought. Umm.. yeah. Canabalt.

Books
Depending what it is and depending the mood I’m in, books can be brilliant or a complete waste of time. A seven-hour flight with genuine flu isn’t conductive to me being able to read Blood Meridian, for example. Whereas I managed Breakfast Of Champions in one train ride from Manchester to Sheffield. But then, I do fucking love Vonnegut more than anything else.

iPod

I still remember the days of taking my CD player on the train, cramming it in my inside coat pocket as it seemed to fit there, the auto skip-correction system eventually wearing down and the music becoming unlistenable as the bumpy ride took its toll. Also I listened to more shit then. Not to say my tastes have got better, just that I listen to less music now. Anyway, the iPod is a nice distraction as it’s not an active pursuit – you can just switch it on and leave it. And turn it up loud to annoy the fat smelly person next to you who keeps rubbernecking at your screen. Cocks.

Wow, that was a lot more boring than I expected. Sorry, I seem incapable of being funny about shit like this. I do seem capable of almost writing 800 words on the subject though. Jesus crikey I must be bored. Soz. 7/10

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