I am finding this a lot tougher than I initially thought I was. This time I’m not alluding to something then revealing – hilariously – that I’m on about something else. I’m not attempting to eke some sympathy out of you cold, cold bastards. I’m not guilt-tripping, I’m not looking for pity. I’m just saying how I feel right now – how I’ve felt for a bit now. Being dumped, as I have been, has kicked the shit out of me and I’m struggling to recover.
I thought I was doing okay. I was sad, obviously, but I was trying my best to soldier on, be understanding and try to keep going. All you lot, my rabid fans, saw my blog entry on the day. But it’s not easy, and I’m failing. It hurts. I’m incapable of concentrating or sleeping. My mind is dominated by one thing, and the one thing it is dominated by is constantly bringing me down. Right now, I do not like conscious thought. My own brain seems to be against me. I see the most innocuous of things and it sets me off. I go on Facebook and the service I’ve just told I’m not with a particular person anymore decides to pepper my feed with entries by her. I’m in another country and I have no one to send my inane observations on everyday Yank life to. Objectively, they’re a collection of nothings, or at least things that shouldn’t have an effect. In the frame of mind I’ve found myself, they’re killing me.
This isn’t a cry for help and I don’t want any more questions of “are you alright?” thrown my way. I’m just venting. I want to see if just removing the filter of bullshit I normally coat everything with on this blog will help me cope in any way. I am Captain Negativity, so I’m going to guess ‘no’, but fuck it. It’s a try.
This is probably the most personal this has ever been. Umm… fuck you, or something. And I’m sorry if anyone finds this upsetting in any way (Mum), it’s not my intention. I’m just being honest, and it’s hard to think of frivolous topics right now.