Darwin? More like WANKER.

What’s going to be the next step in human evolution? I remember seeing a programme a long time ago that theorised how people involved with space travel/colonising other worlds would end up evolving to suit their conditions more. Frankly it was all speculative nonsense (based on SCIENCE), but for some reason it has stuck with me for a while. Something about people living in zero-gravity being tall and thin, or some such shit.

Anyway, I ask this – I’m reminded of this – because of something that’s just happened to me. Something that could easily have been avoided were it not for the fact I haven’t yet evolved like I clearly should have. After all, I am so much more than any of you pathetic humans could ever hope to be. Or something.

But no, my body remains the same as pretty much every other nerdlinger out there. Which means that when I eat apples I run the risk of getting a bit wedged between my two bottom-front* teeth. As I have done right now. And it’s annoying me. It feels like the teeth are being pushed apart by the tiniest sliver of apple skin. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t like it. I don’t have any toothpicks. I may try brushing it out, but I doubt it will work – it seems wedged in pretty well.

So it naturally lead me to the question of evolution: why haven’t I evolved to the point that I don’t get food stuck between my teeth? Surely it makes sense to evolve that trait, seeing as it would mean less wasted morsels, more nutrition for myself and therefore more chance of me growing to 18 feet tall (and being made of gold).

Answer me that, DARWIN. You bearded twat.

*Not front-bottom teeth. That’s something entirely different.

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