It’s not gonna be okay, but it’s okay*

Seeing as you spend so much time in your own head and body – I’d say most of it, depending on your selection of recreational activities – it can be hard to notice when something about you has changed. Comments can fly at you, telling you that you’ve changed in whatever way, but they can just keep on bouncing off your face, not even going into your cheesebox.

Unless your mum tells you that you’re fat, naturally. Then you hear it and get a bit upset before comfort eating yourself into oblivion. Or Oblivion, depending on your selection of recreational activities**.

I have been being told I have lost weight by numerous people for a while now. I know I have – I’ve got the numbers to back it up – but I didn’t see it on my body. Suddenly, today, I did. No idea why, it just clicked. Then something else clicked, again in a weird way.

I feel okay. I don’t feel great, I’m not exactly jumping for joy and there are things in my head that can still bring me down if I think about them too much. But I’m doing okay. And I realised this about an hour ago, while listening to Lucero.

If I’d listened to Lucero a month ago – even a week or two ago – it wouldn’t have been the most pleasant of experiences. To be fair it never is, as they’re thoroughly depressing when they want to be. But you can usually garner some enjoyment from listening to them, and this is something I haven’t been able to do for a while.

Now I can.

Things are okay.

(Having said all that, The War has just come on. I think my heart is about to explode.)

*If you get what song this is from and you are not a nerd: well done.

**If you get this joke and you are not a nerd: well done.

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