Your ultimate beard guide, now with AMAZING DRAWINGS

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they wear their facial hair. Yes, I’m writing something like all of those men’s mags and shit websites have done in the past. Except my version will actually manage to be less funny.

See, when I was growing up I was frequently told that having facial hair – specifically a beard – made you look ‘untrustworthy’. I think the people telling me this probably meant ‘scruffy’, but they stuck with people having beards failing to earn the trust of people around them. Which is odd. Anyway, as soon as my facial hair started getting darker and growing thicker I obviously grew a beard.

Well, tried.

Anyway, I don’t agree that having a beard makes you untrustworthy. But I do think different facial hair says things about you. Also I wanted to do some drawings. So here we go.

Goatee
If you have this beard, you are either The Undertaker, a nerd, Gordon Freeman (see previous) or are someone who could not be bothered having a full beard. This is as deep as I can guess about your personality. Oh, you might be a biker in the mid-90s too.

Standard beard
If you have the Standard, as it’s clearly known by everyone in the world, then I hate you. Mainly because I can’t grow one properly. Still. Even though I’m 27. And apparently male. So, you know, screw you if you have a Standard. I hate you.

Lumberjack
If you have one of these then see the above point and multiply my dislike for you by a factor of about FIFTEEN BILLION. You tosser.

That weird line beard thing
There’s a different kind of hate going on here. No jealousy. Oh good lord no. These sculpted things I do not understand. What I do understand is that I want to remove them from the faces of the people wearing them. With a razor blade. By removing their face from their face. Makes sense.

Toothbrush
You are either a very funny man, or a very funny man. You are either trustworthy and intelligent, or rather untrustworthy and quite thick. You are either Chaplin or Hitler. Regardless, I’m probably going to have me one of these at some point.

Neckbeard
You are either a prick, Amish, or me before I was convinced to let my 12-year-old’s moustache grow out last year.

There are more beards, but I’m bored of this now.

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1 Comment

Filed under Prattle

One response to “Your ultimate beard guide, now with AMAZING DRAWINGS

  1. Ha, the drawings are ace! If I were a boy, I’d definitely hope for beardy glory 🙂 xxx

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