Funny or die

I have odd personality quirks. This may not come as a surprise if you are human, seeing as we all have odd personality quirks. Apart from the terminal dullards out there who should probably just kill themselves and give us people with something going on in our heads a bit more room to be ‘unique’ (‘unique’ often translates as ‘twatty’).

Alright, maybe not kill themselves, that’s a bit far. Just chop a hand off or something, then at least you’ve got an interesting story to tell people. Get a hook too. Double-story. Thank me later.

Anyway, one thing about my personality, beyond the shocking lack of confidence, the oft-unbridled aggression based on the smallest of provocation, the inability to take most things seriously and the massive ability to get repeatedly dumped for no good god damn reason is that I think I am funny. I do. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I know I’m funny. But that’s not actually the thing – the thing is as follows: if you do not laugh at what I say, I am very likely to out and out dislike you.

I don’t mean you have to laugh at every word, or even 23% of my japist wit. A snigger or a smirk lets you off the hook. I notice. I remember. And if you sit there stony faced I simply do not like you. Why? I don’t actually know, but I’m willing to bet it’s because it makes you come across as either humourless (meaning you actually might as well be dead) or too thick to get what I’m on about (see previous parenthesis for solution to this problem).

Yes, I’m actually being mildly arrogant here. Let me run with it for once. I’m aware it’s a bit weird, but there you go. Weirdness is interesting, so fuck you you judgemental twerps.



Filed under Prattle

4 responses to “Funny or die

  1. Aaron

    Is this supposed to be funny?

    I don’t get it.

  2. A stand-up comedian

    Funny? Pffff… Prove it. You wussy.

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