Things I am crap at, part 2,305,303: go-karting

So yeah, as it turns out, I’m not that bad at go-kart racing. No, not that bad at all. And by ‘not that bad’ I of course mean ‘absolutely terrible’. It turns out I have all the driving ability of someone who cannot drive, who has shite spatial awareness, can’t seem to get his head around the concept of preparing for corners and who also gets worse the madder they get (and they get madder when they get worse).

I have all the ability of a person like that, because that person is very much me.

Alas, my years of training on the circuits of Mario Kart did not prepare me for the forearm-fatiguing spin-out festival that was real life, proper racing karts. Even the banana skins I brought along to aid me on my quest for victory didn’t come in handy. And that red shell? Bullshit. I mean, granted, it was just a dead turtle I found in a layby that I’d painted red. But you can’t have everything.

I tried hopping into corners to powerslide, and all it did was hurt my back a bit. I think I got vibration white finger from grasping onto the steering wheel for dear life. I banged my knee when I had a crash and now it really hurts. Oh, and my glasses steamed up a lot.

Basically, I’m shit at it and don’t intend to do it again.

Still, you live you learn and all that gumph. And there are still some things I’m good at. Probably. Not found any of them yet.

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