FILMS: 7/10

Today I watched a couple of films, as I was resisting the urge to leave the house and therefore spend money. As I was in the kind of place mentally (hangover) where watching shit films would appeal, I watched some shit films. Here are your opinions you should all take as gospel.

First I watched Surviving The Game, starring Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Gary Busey and Dr Cox from Scrubs. That’s one of the best line-ups I’d ever heard of, so I had to watch it. It’s a genuine, straight-faced tale of “what’s the Ultimate Prey? MAN” and is therefore brilliant, because it has a group of white men chasing a black tramp through the woods. A fine parable for the state of race relations in a post-Rodney King beating United States.

Well, maybe not.

Basically, it was a great film to watch with a hangover. Everything the 90s was about, narrowed down in to about 90 minutes and with an all-too-brief Busey-hit to keep things ticking along.

And Ice-T with questionable acting talent. 7/10

I also watched Unknown, starring Qui-Gon Jinn. Expecting it to basically be Taken again, I was let down. Because it wasn’t Taken again. And I really like Taken quite a lot. Because it’s fucking stupid, but brilliant.

Anyway, Unknown isn’t that great. But I do like how utterly wanton it is with regards to its ridiculousness. He isn’t that man he is that man he might not be that man is he that man OH HE’S ANOTHER MAN no he isn’t he’s that man he thought he was before or is he or is he or is he or is he or is he or is he and so on and so forth.

It’s based on a book, which I now want to read just in case it’s written exactly like the above paragraph.

Anyway: not as good as Taken. 7/10

On a related not, Jessie J scares me. Her dancing is almost as terrifying as Tina Turner’s.

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