I’ve been thinking for a while that I need new glasses. While my eyes haven’t got much worse since I got the big ones in January 2007, the lenses have generally degraded over the years to the point where there are scratches in all the wrong places, distracting my eyes and generally being a bit annoying.
The sort of wear and tear that encourages you to buy replacements, basically.
But I wasn’t about to buy new spectaculars, mainly because they cost so bloody much. The last pair cost me about £300, if I remember correctly. Much as I am super-loaded and totally made of money, I don’t exactly have the funds to cover something like that right now.
Mainly because I lied about being super-loaded and totally made of money. At the very least I’d say that’s a complete fallacy and I should be put to sleep for even suggesting there’s any truth to it. At most? Shot out of a cannon into the sun, obviously.
Anyway, sometimes things happen in your life that force your hand, as it were. Some people sit on their glasses, some misplace them at some point in their stupid and forgetful lives. Some do other simple, normal things in the course of their spec-wearing days.
Not I, naturally. No, I fucking well lose mine in the bottom of a large body of water while trying, and failing, to operate a canoe successfully. As I realised on the way to the super fun times, I had forgotten my spare glasses – the ones I normally wear when doing any physical… thing. “Ah, it’ll be fine”, I thought, “I’ll just not fall in”.
Yeah, took me about 10-15 minutes on the water before I nadgered that one up.
On the plus side, they fell off into the right sort of environment that they may well be preserved nicely. Sinking into a bed of mud they’ll hopefully become buried for the foreseeable future, meaning in 65 million years future-people can unearth them, find remnants of my DNA on them and clone me so I can live in the World Of Tomorrow. Where everything floats.
*Or Asda, as recommended.