Oh shit, my Bank Of America bank account I didn’t know I had needs me to click this link that doesn’t take me to the Bank Of America website so I can put my details in it for them even though it’s not the Bank Of America quite clearly also I don’t have a Bank Of America bank account also the email was addressed to ‘dear customer’ and not ‘oi, Ian, you owe us money’ like it normally is.
But hey, it’s some excitement for the weekend, right?
These phishers – I hate that word – need some more creativity. Some more panache. A more believable story. Have they not seen Reservoir Dogs? The truth is in the details – that’s how you convince people your story, which is absolute bullshit, is genuine. THEN they’ll send you $30,000 in order to get $45m back when you regain access to your frozen assets that were taken from you by your evil uncle or whatever.
As this is the case, I’ve decided on a new business venture: I will email back every phisher who gets in touch with me. In my response I will offer to coach them on the finer points of how to write something more believable, or captivating – something that will get people to actually fall into their trap so they can make a quick buck in a fraudulent manner.
I mean, obviously they’ll have to pay me a sum before I can teach them anything – I’m not doling out free education. What do you think I am? Socialism? A hippy? Someone who believes in equality? Pshaw.
Anyway, before I can teach them anything, they will be required to send $30,000 to a Western Union account for me. As soon as I have received the money I will forward them the details of what they need to do in order to be successful at scamming people out of money.
It’s a deal with no drawbacks.