I’ve found an innovative new technique by which I can increase the speed of my journeys to and from work. Or, at the very least, make them feel like they don’t take the 25-30 minutes they actually do. It’s so simple, I’m shocked I never realised it before.
Just be in a funk. A mood. Angry. Pissed off. Headachey. Annoyed. Irritable. Be all of those and some other ones, all at the same time, and it simply flies by.
Obviously that just means ‘be Ian Dransfield’, but it’s hard damn work to be me each and every day. I mean, some days I’ve been known to wake up not hating each and every one of you wastes of skin. Though that is admittedly a very rare occurrence.
It also requires that my day of sitting making Hilarious and Satirical comments about videogames and the rest of the world isn’t as… let’s go with ‘normal’… as it usually is. It requires I be pissed off by something.
I had to edit DVD videos today, so let’s say that’s why I was pissed off. Because I was. Fiddly shit.
But it helps, it seems. My journey to work, recovering from a complete lack of sleep and the fear I was on the verge of death by headache when I was woken up by stabbing brain pain at about 4am, seemed to take about three minutes.
My walk back, in which I was still furious about anything and everything, appeared to take about 7 Seconds.
No, wait – that’s what I was listening to.
Either way, it didn’t seem to take that long. I still need a Segway, though.