My plan to get on a TV comedy show (“don’t be funny”, apparently)

I’ve figured out how to get on TV (again), just as I’ve clearly always wanted to. Or something. I don’t know. Is that something you’re supposed to aspire to? Probably.

Anyway, the greatest comedy TV show of all time is on right now, Fast & Loose. Basically it’s like Whose Line Is It Anyway if it was really fucking bad. I lied about it being the greatest comedy TV show, by the way.

Anyway, seeing as I’m the funniest person alive I’ve decided I should be on it. Mainly because it’s so shit it would be really easy to be just as bad as the other schmucks on it. I lied about me being the funniest person alive, by the way. And I know just how to go about getting involved.

First I need a slightly weird face that isn’t traditionally good looking. Done. Second I need pastel colours and clothing fresh from Marks and Spencer. Not done, but I can do it if someone loans me loads of money because M&S isn’t cheap like Primark.

Then I need to say mainly unfunny, sometimes vaguely funny things that both have no character or depth of any fashion. Then I’ll fit right in. I could go to the doctor for an overall blandification, as that would be necessary. I’m far too exciting for it right now.

Oh jesus this double speak round is awful. These people are shit. I hate them.

No hope.

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