I’m sure there will be some I forget, and I’m sure I will have to make additions to this list at some point, but basically I’ve decided to write a list of the kinds of people who can fuck right off. Here we go:
People who say “that’s funny” in lieu of laughing
You know what both says ‘that’s funny’ and has a pleasing effect on me/others in the room? Laughter, you fucking idiot. Don’t tell me it’s funny – just fucking laugh. Arsehole. Next person I meet who tells me ‘that’s funny’ and doesn’t laugh gets a Dransfield See Ya. SEE YA.
People who tell shit stories and think anyone cares
I don’t mind shit stories. I get it – people tell them. I’ve told my share, hence inventing the hilarious finish of saying “THE END” really loud just to get a cheap laugh. But people who are blissfully unaware what they are talking is utter boring shite? Yeah, they can get the first fuck-off-bus back to Fuckyoutown.
People who say Altered Beast was great
I get it – you think referencing old Mega Drive games will put you on my level. It won’t. I am a human encyclopaedia of videogames. I am the Stephen Fry of the gaming world. I am Best In The World. Altered Beast was one of the worst games ever made.
People who still think South Park is the same as in 1998
Not only are you showing you’re a moron for not continuing to watch the best TV show of my lifetime that isn’t The Simpsons or Futurama, but you’re also just proving you’re a bandwagon-following twat with no ability to make decisions for yourself. It stopped being cool post-movie, so you stopped watching it. Fucking idiot.
People who make tea milk before water
You fucking sick freaks. Fuck the fuck off.
People with the audacity to claim they make tea anywhere near as good as mine
See above, except they’re laughable sick freaks. My tea-making is second to none. Just like my dog was better than yours. Facts.
People who don’t like videogames at all
Note the ‘at all’ part. There are people who claim not to like them, but will play Angry Birds or some toss like that. That’s fine. That shows you are human and have a basic requirement to kill the boredom festering away in your brain. People who claim not to like any games at all are just, quite clearly, sociopaths, insane and seriously unbalanced.
Because can you all just fuck off, yeah?
Ah, that feels a bit better.