So I realised today there are no more reactions to anything – they’ve all been done already. There was a trailer released for Grand Theft Auto V today, which is a big deal if you’re in my Cool Dude line of work (also I like it, so shut up). This meant much crowding around computers, telling non-gaming people to SHUT THE FUCK UP while the trailer was on (also Andy SHUT UP ANDY goddd) and taking in the fun times.
But the reactions are so predictable now. Why can’t anybody invent a new reaction? Instead of the gushing, effusive praise, why not spontaneously turn into a gibbon? Instead of the tired old jaded cynic act, why not set your ears on fire? Instead of the tired old jaded cynic who is actually tired and jaded by the tired jaded cynics ditty, why not simply shit in someone else’s shoes?
But no – we still think it’s okay to be boring with how we react to things. So I’m making something of a pledge: next time a big thing gets a thing (it’s vague; I’m not sorry), I will react in a truly unique way. Something that has never been done before, at least not when it comes to reacting to something.
I will smash a window with a trout. I will turn my chair into a fully functioning scooter. I will run up and down Richmond Hill 43 times before learning to juggle. I will set up a small business in order to embezzle the shit out of it. I will learn how to dance the Macarena and then when it comes to dancing it perform it wrong on purpose.
I won’t conform to your stupid, boring reactions anymore. How do you react to that?