Join the club

I have officially become a real person for about the four thousandth time recently, not only because I have vacuumed my flat but because I received something very special in the post. Some call it a rite of passage. Some call it The Next Step. Some can’t live without it. Some try to call what they do without it ‘living’. But everyone wants them, and everyone needs them.

I got a £4 Tesco Clubcard voucher.

You damn right – I’m in the gang. The crew. I played the system. I bought some stuff for a bit and got some points, then I bought Star Wars on Blu-ray and there was some kind of offer where you got 300 points or something so I did that and I got cashback too and it was all like ‘whoosh!’ and ‘kapow!’ and I bet you’re all well jealous now.

But I do feel like this is the next step in me becoming the worst person alive. I find myself wondering – often aloud and while wandering – why Waitrose doesn’t have a similar system in place. I saw they had a card thing just the other day, actually, but it didn’t say I would be part of a club and I wouldn’t get a natty little fob like you do from (evil) Tesco, so I ignored it completely.

Plus it’s Waitrose so the only benefits it would give you would be the ability to be an even more middle class, middle aged woman.

I just want vouchers that I can buy chips with.


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