Hey look, it’s the blog that was predicted by Ryan “Ryan” King earlier today. Miraculous and unexpected!
Basically, I went to McDonald’s today. For the first time in years. And you know what? I had a massive hangover. I had a massive hangover, and I wanted shitty food. I’ve been eating a lot of shitty food recently, and I should stop. But I had a massive hangover and I wanted shitty food.
So I had some shitty food.
And it was good.
I mean, it was terrible. It tasted like fat and salt. The chips were a weird mix of too soft and too sharp and crunchy. The coke was iced up to the tits. Gherkins still exist, as do onions. Objectively speaking, it was a pile of shit.
But in my rather confused state it was probably the best thing I could have done. As a result I am an instant convert to the world of Maccy Dees, to the point where I will rescind everything bad I ever said about the Evil Empire and its shitty food (that is shit).
I take it back about the stupid claims as if it’s a good thing that the chips are “100% potato”, or that just because it says “pure beef” it doesn’t mean the burgers aren’t made from ground up anus and cow toenails. I take it back about their horrible, horrible ‘common man’ poetry adverts being terrible – I was clearly wrong and they’re actually brilliant.
Though my version was still better.
I might be in the throes of some kind of McDonald’s-inflicted mania, by the way. In fact, I hope I am, because I can’t live with myself liking that place. Going to have to suicide it up. Or have another one of these delicious beers.