Drive Angry, or: How To Troll The World

I have just, about five minutes ago, finished watching the Nic Cage film Drive Angry. Unfortunately I do not have 3D capabilities so could not coo as the radicoolsome effects threw giblets out of the screen at me.

Not that I would’ve cooed anyway, as 3D is shit and gives me a headache.

Anyway, I have decided that Drive Angry is actually genius. I had heard it was a bad film, but I can only come to the conclusion that those saying it is no good have – fittingly, considering the subject matter – no souls.

You think it’s a bad film. You think the story is insane. You think the action is ridiculous in the bad way. You think Nic Cage is phoning in one of the worst performances of a pretty questionable career. NOT THE BEES.

But you’re wrong.

Know why you’re wrong? Because you’re being trolled. Drive Angry is a trolling masterpiece. A trollsterpiece. It’s taking the piss out of you for having the temerity to care about quality, storytelling, acting, sense. It’s laughing in your face as you gradually get more confused and annoyed at how utterly stupid everything about the film is.

It’s trolling you, and it’s trolling you well. That’s the hardest part – that’s why so many have clearly missed it. Why it’s gone over the heads of even the seasoned trollists out there. It’s a fine, fine trolling. So blatant it actually becomes subtle. So wanton it turns back on itself to become considered.

Basically, what I’m saying is this: Drive Angry is one of the best films I’ve seen today. Some would even go so far as to say it’s the only film I’ve seen today.

Regardless, I think it’s worth a watch just so you can be aware that we live in a world where films like this actually get made. It is a beautiful world. Allegedly.

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