SUIT UP, again

I have an instant obsession thanks to the miracle (“danger”) that is Hot UK Deals. And no, it’s not saying a word and then putting exactly what it actually means (“something different”) inside parenthesis-encrusted speechmarks. That’s just something I’ve been doing apropos of nothing. Because I’m cool and awesome (“a dweeb who sets himself up for a very obvious re-use of the technique in order to garner a cheap laugh”).

No, this is an obsession with getting a tailored suit. A tailored suit for the princely fee of £79 (plus postage). A tailored suit for £83 (postage included) from some people somewhere in Southeast Asia. I don’t know where. Maybe Myanmar. Or Burma*. I don’t know.

But it’s a fully-tailored suit for less than the price of a shitty pre-made suit from somewhere less Southeast Asian, like Marks and Spencer. Or Lidl. I think they sometimes do suits in Lidl. It’s a job lot thing, where they have pure Suit Ore freshly mined and they just hack off the jacket and trousers for you – sometimes a waistcoat if you’re lucky – and charge you a sum of about £90 for the priviliege.

I mean, who’s ever spent ninety quid in Lidl, ever? You could buy the whole shop four times over for that kind of dollah (~$140 at current rates).

But no – this is the chance of a lifetime (a chance that’s sure to be there for a long time – possibly a  whole lifetime!) so is something I should take advantage of.

Especially as my dole-funded suit doesn’t fit me properly anymore since I shed tonnage. Yeah, that’s right: I’m thinner and your tax dollah (~£0.64 at current rates) paid for my suit that I’ve worn about five times and was once told I look “very handsome” in.

*Intentional joke: I am not thick.


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