Bereft of the information superhighway

As I write this I am in an unfamiliar place. It’s dark. Uncomfortable. Just as I was feeling like things were on the up (again), it struck from nowhere leaving me confused and alone – and this time I don’t know what I can do about it.

The internet won’t connect. I’ve even turned it off and back on again – multiple times. Ridiculous. If that can’t fix it, nothing will. And seeing as I’ve now accepted the fact I live in a world without the internet, I’ve come to some startling conclusions.

Mainly that the world is a boring place without constant, on-demand access to the sum of all (alright, most) human knowledge. And I don’t think it’s bad or a particularly sad thing to admit that. For all the cries I’m imagining coming from some of you idiots about “go outside” or “read a book”, I’m still going to sit here quietly (loudly) weeping about my loss of the planets in the wire.

I mean, outside is full of knife-crime horse-rape thugs who burn down Everything We Hold Dear, and books are full of Liberal Media Lies – why would I risk either of those things? And as for other suggestions? Well let’s just say no before you even come up with any. But you won’t be able to come up with any because you’re too busy being knife-drugged in the back by a feral youth from a housing estate in Pauperville (they’re all the same).

No, I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to miss the sum of all (most) human knowledge being on demand and at my fingertips.

Though admittedly that’s not really why I’m missing it. I just want Twitter back to fritter away a few hours before I can pass out for a few hours and this whole sorry shitmess can start again tomorrow. Come back internet; all is forgiven.


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