It’s good, but it’s not right

I have decided that I will spend $40 on Scrivener, as I’ve been using the beta stuff for years now and it’s well good. Why would I drop that dough on a writing program, when I have access to things like Word (which I “definitely paid for”)? Isn’t it obvious? Forget your useability, the fact it’s cleverly made and perfectly suited to the concept of writing in a non-linear, all-over-the-place fashion. Forget that it’s not just a word processor, it’s a writer’s tool. Forget the fact that if I tweet about it they will probably re-tweet me (and we all know how much we crave that action).

No, I want it so I can feel like I’m using the correct tool to write catchphrases.

Oh, I forgot to mention: I’ve decided I’m going to quit everything and sit in my pants for the rest of my life, writing catchphrase comedy. We all know it’s The Best Thing In The World, so it just makes sense for me to get involved.

Just to get you all warmed up, here are some catchphrases I have come up with so far (I have not decided on characters, settings, intonation or any actual details around these catchphrases, but since when has that mattered?):

“American cherries!”

“Who’da thunk it!”

“What are the odds!”

“Stop stabbing me!”

“I’ll take the third one!”

“And now you die!”

“And then I died!”

“And I’m dead!”

“Leave me alone, Hitler!”

“Leave me alone, Stalin!”

“Leave me alone, Pol Pot!”

“Leave me alone, Marie Curie!”

“And that’s why you always leave a note!”

The last one there may have been indirectly influenced by something else I heard somewhere, but I can’t be sure. Actually, that’s pretty good – one more for you:

“But I can’t be sure!”

I’ll be selling the rights to these catchphrases soon enough. Bidding starts at £10k per word.

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1 Comment

Filed under Prattle

One response to “It’s good, but it’s not right

  1. I never felt like I got anything out of Scrivener. Maybe I wasn’t using it properly. You can show me when you come over IN NINE DAYS! x

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