Speedwrite: GO

For some reason I’ve just set myself the task of writing this – yesterday’s blog – in the time remaining I have on this free wi-fi on the train. i.e. about seven minutes. If it wasn’t for a happy man telling me something he claimed to be a fact, I would still be in smelly old London, set to wait two hours before I could go anywhere.

It seems my newfound train-based celebrity means I get special treatment, though, and according to this man who I’ve just realised might have been trolling me on an industrial level super off peak tickets means bollock all until 2 January. I’M MAKING TIME.

Unless it was just a cheeky member of the public wearing a high-vis jacket, standing behind an information desk and calling me “sir” – then maybe it’s just a japester conning me out of the extra £40 I’ll have to pay for the ticket.

I have my phone wedged under my crotch on the seat right now. It is an odd place to put it, as there are many other places it can go. Also I’m confused about why it seems to have turned into fucking monsoon season outside, but then I haven’t actually stepped out of any kind of building or carriage for the last three or four hours oh god where am I what’s going on.

The hangover isn’t as bad as it was, though. I need to learn that “two pints” means two pints, not “sit there all night setting the world to rights and genuinely talking non-stop for about 10 minutes solid. Even if I am the most interesting person alive. Also: drunk.

Anyway, going home for the first time in three years tomorrow. There’s a blog for you. Later. For now, I only have three minutes left so I’m going on Reddit.



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