Is there anything worse than that time – that brief part of the night – when you’re woken up by something and you can’t get back to sleep? No matter what you try, you just can’t nod off again, and whatever it is that woke you up becomes worse than Hitler crossed with Pol Pot (on acid, etc).
There’s been times when it was a party somewhere, where the BOOM BOOM BOOM has made me want to go and get my hammer to do some BOOM BOOM BOOMing of my own. Fortunately I haven’t yet done that. At least not officially. They’ll never find the bodies, whatever the case.
There’s been times when it was some snoring idiot next to me, a surprising amount of times of the female persuasion. You share rooms with people and you expect some snoring from the BWAAY LADS, because they’re foul and loud. You don’t expect it from delicate, pure and beautiful women. Who actually reveal themselves to be so bad you have to put earplugs in. No lie.
The hammer stayed put then, too. Somehow.
But last night it was an altogether different cause, and one that made the hour or so I was awake in the middle of the night the worst hour or so I’ve spent awake in a long time. And it has a fair bit of competition, let’s be honest – waking hours aren’t the most fun of things, after all.
It was a second occurrence of something that only happened for the first time a few months ago – a migraine so painful it actually woke me up and had me rolling about in my bed in absolute agony for what felt like forever.
Seriously, after going through that a second time I am now confident no forms of torture would actually work on me. Waterboarding? Psh. Electrocuted balls? You ain’t getting shit out of me. Chinese burns? Well, actually, now I think of it, I do know where the plans are stored…
Anyway, I’m going to bed now, and if my sleep is interrupted by something that doesn’t allow me to get back to sleep again I am liable to visit my toolbox (not a euphemism) and get my hammer (also not a euphemism). I’m on the edge, and I just want a kip. And not to have to spend a waking hour in what is clearly worse than hell and definitely not just a bit of a bad headache that lasts a while.
WORSE THAN HELL.