Pay for your fun, unless you’re Ray Mears

I’m all for that whole ‘doing things’ thing that so many people are obsessed with doing, even though it involves things. I like the fact that February and April are, by my admittedly very low standards, quite busy. I enjoy the humour that comes with knowing people think I’m not that much of a dickhead so they should invite me to things.

That one’s mainly because I am a massive dickhead.

But enjoyment never comes free, unless you’re some freak bastard who gets genuine enjoyment out of sitting around doing fuck all all day. Or unless you’re Ray Mears, in which case you just whittle a funstick out of the nearest tree/bison carcass and keep yourself amused for hours – days, even – on end.

Or if you’re Bear Grylls you just piss in a bottle, drink it, rinse (with piss) and repeat. Then fake some survivalist stuff.

But yeah – I’m neither a fat survival expert nor a thin survival fakeist, so I have to rely on paying for my pleasures. I shouldn’t say things like that if one of the things I’m going to do is go to Amsterdam.

I mean: “I have to spend money to be able to have fun”.

No, that still sounds like I want to solicit whores.

“I have to exchange cash for goods and services, namely tickets for travel and bed/board in hostels, hotels and guest houses across Britain and Europe. Otherwise I find it difficult to have any fun. Also I purchase hookers for money.”

Shit, failed again. Words are so hard!

In the next few months I will be heading up to the north of Wales for NERD FEST 2012, where I will meet Brian Blessed (this is not a joke). Later in the month I will be heading to Amsterdam where I will run away from drug dealers and hookers and hide under by bed, sobbing softly.

March is a clean month of detoxing and wondering why I’m still so broke, two and a half years into this full-time career.

April, though, now has two whole events: an early, and only recently-appearing, birthday of one young* Benji boy. Fortunately for my wallet, which I found has been becoming too heavy in recent months, he has decided to have a birthday shindig in the Lake District. Which, considering I’m in Bournemouth, might as well be China. But I will go, because it will be fun.

Fun with axes.

And then at the end of that month it’s Groezrock, which I may have mentioned before. Maybe.

Thing is, I will blitz what very little money I have on all of these events and spend a couple of months (with one buffer month between them) feeling like I NEVER STOP DOING THINGS, but I probably won’t do anything else for the rest of the year.

Why? Well I’m just that kind of Fun Renegade. You never know what to expect or what other shit I’m going to waste** my money on.

*Very, very, very old. So old.

**Spending it on things you enjoy: not wasting it.


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