If I was Twitter famous

I would love to be some kind of celebrity who uses Twitter. I’m nothing of the sort and already I get a lot of messages from people I don’t actually know. I can only imagine what it must be like to have the same thing times about 100.

“You are really cool and a super dude!” they would clearly say, “Your face lights up every room and we shall name our town after you!” they would add, because they’d probably be a mayor of some kind of town.

If I was a footballer they would say: “You are really good at kicking the ball!” then they would throw in the additional comment of: “I hope you can kick more balls at the weekend because you are so good!” Then they would do a third tweet but I wouldn’t read it because I would have turned my phone/computer off because I wouldn’t have to care what the peons thought about me.

If I was a famous writer they would lob these words in my direction: “That thing wot you done written is well good and changed my life #forthebetter” before letting me know: “I can’t even read and it was brillo pads to the max!”

Actually that’s all bollocks. Just like anywhere else on the interwebs, Twitter is full of people being hateful keyboard warriors and if I had any modicum of fame and people messaging me more than they currently do I would be getting abuse no end. Even though I’m the best person alive. Shocker.

Too cold to keep on typing BYE.

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