Relaxin’

What do you do to relax? I’m asking because I don’t think I do it right. When I just cannot be arsed, when I want to just veg out and not engage my brain or anything, I fail. I do silly things that make my brain work. I watch wrestling and play Football Manager.

You might well think that would mean my brain is completely switched off, but that would make you a pile of idiotic stupidity. For you see, far from turning my brain off, it actually makes my brain go mental and angry and not relaxed at all.

As such, I clearly fail at the whole ‘relaxing’ thing.

See, wrestling is idiotic and – especially in recent years – almost entirely banal. It’s watched generally by morons, it’s aimed at the absolute lowest common denominator and it doesn’t even have the good grace to have mild swearing and violence on it anymore. Yet, it still manages to make my brain go into overdrive as I come up with different ways they should do things, as I question the logic of anything, as I come up with better lines, better finishes, better moves and generally a Better Product (I’m well good at it, the WWE should hire me).

It makes my brain go mental and not stop working.

Football Manager though, is something that really shouldn’t involve much frenzied thinking. It’s laid back. It doesn’t demand close attention. It runs in the background – literally. Yet it is the single most infuriating, involving and all-consuming thing there is IN THE WORLD. It makes my brain ache. I think possibly literally.

So I ask you, my fair three readers, to band your collective intelligence together (combined IQ of roughly 13) and give me suggestions on how to relax. Don’t suggest a bath. I haven’t got one. Plus I’m too big for the ones in hotels, generally. Plus I’m not going to go and get a hotel room just to have a bath.

STOP SUGGESTING BATHS, IDIOTS.

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