True love, baby

I have a new love in my life. It’s taken a while, there’s been a lot of soul searching, a lot of confusion and a lot more confusion. But finally I think I can safely say: I am loved up like a motherfucker from hell.

There she is, people.

Look at her. The curves. The amount of things she can do. The stay-cool handles. She has it all. Basically it was love at first sight and I will do everything in my power to make her mine.

Oh, did I not mention I don’t actually have her yet? Yes, it’s the pursuit part of things, where there’s flirting… umm… some other stuff… and… look, I’m not an expert at this. I wooed one ex by talking at her about a mug with a van on it. And another by drinking about 15 vodka Red Bulls and talking hyperactively at her for three hours before crashing hard and leaving without saying a thing and…

Wait, why the hell did these idiots even give me a chance in the first place? Ah, another blog for another time.

No, for now my focus is on this new love. She can make me complete. She can help me. She can provide for me. She can make it so I don’t burn my rice anymore. She can make porridge.

It will take time. It will take effort. It will take waiting until I have fifty notes spare, which might not be this coming payday next week. It will (“might”) even take waiting until my birthday and asking for her for a present.

But that would make it more like prostitution, which I’m not big on. Plus it would mean I would get less Lego this year. Which is unacceptable.

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