Right, I need to get me a PS Vita. I didn’t get one on launch day and it’s the first time I’ve missed a console launch in forever (or: about 12 years). As such my nerd-cred has taken a pounding, as well as the fact that I do not have Everybody’s Golf.
I have to restate that just to try and put across how much this wounds me: I. Do. Not. Have. Everybody’s. Golf.
Shameful. Shocking. Shitty. This has to be remedied.
Unfortunately things cost money. Fortunately I can make money appear by either selling things or doing things. As such I am going to sell things and offer my services to the world as a whole in order to make more money to be able to buy one.
Note: I am not being a whore. I would make too much money doing that, after all.
Services rendered are as follows:
I will provide you with one (1) snarky comment a day for a total of seven (7) days. You are free to use this comment as you see fit – probably to fling at someone in an insulting, derisive fashion. PRICE: £25
I will post you some chips. I might have eaten some, some might not have been cooked, some might be in their original form (“potato”). Second class post. PRICE: £34
I will write a blog about you, and even do you a special treat in the shape of a photoshopped image of you. Well, probably of me as that’s easier to do. You have no (0) say in what the blog is about, bar the fact you’ll be featured. PRICE: £250
I don’t know. Chicks dig hammers, right? PRICE: £4
Something from my room
I have a lot of shit in my room, as well as some alright stuff. I will pick one bit of shit at “random” (it won’t be random) and send it to you. You “will” be pleased (you won’t). PRICE: £95
I think that’s a fair number of exciting services, and I’m sure I’ll have enough for a Vita within the next couple of hours. It’s like Kickstarter, only better.