There needs to be a beard trimmer made that doesn’t break just because you drop it two times. For the love of Thor all I did was knock it a little bit and it fell on the floor and now I am without a correctly functioning beard trimmer and an annoying, though not exactly massive, beard.

What the hell am I supposed to do? How will I cope? How will the world be able to take me seriously if my face-pubes are a bit twiddlier than normal? I think it’s all over. My life as I once knew it is over forever. Nothing will ever be the same again.

I mean, I could just shave it mostly off and still have a beard and it would look neater. That is technically a partial solution to this horrendous problem. God it’s a huge problem. Then again I do still have a proper razor and could shave it all off.

But that raises a new issue. That issue being how I look like a thumb/penis sans beard. I don’t think I can risk being mistaken for either of those things right now, so I might have to… I don’t know. I can’t think straight. The world has been turned upside down.

But I will prevail. Somehow, some way, I will get through this. Survive and thrive. Because, for one, I think I might be able to get my old, previously-broken beard trimmer working. And two, because I’m not Jack Whitehall.

He was just on TV. It made me remember there are worse things in the world than my insanely bad problems. Though only just a bit worse.


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