Sir Chris Hoy can suck a bag of dicks

Why is Chris Hoy a Sir?

You can literally teach a dog to ride a bike. I know this because I saw it on TV earlier. It’s not difficult, it’s barely impressive. It’s a feat most people could accomplish if they trained all the time. Alright, a lot. Not most. But probably more than you’d think.

So someone having the benefit of being able to train a lot and of being noticed as a talent and of being nurtured and made into a beast of a man created solely to fling himself around a track on a piece of metal, or fibreglass, or carbon fibre, or whatever bikes are made of, has the honour of being made a Sir*.

I don’t care about the title. I think it’s an outdated and pointless practice. But it’s devalued even more when someone is awarded it for being quick on a bike. Or for being able to put on accents and pretend to be someone else on a stage or TV. Or for being good at capitalism. Or for whatever other reason people get them.

Support nerdery more. Make everyone a sir who’s ever been able to find a cure to something, or who has made a medicine cheaper for the masses, or who advances education in developing countries, or who selflessly, quietly raises tons of money for those less fortunate, or who is generally worthy of it.

Don’t just give them to people because they’re quick, or strong, or a convincing liar.

Or just don’t give them at all.

*I mean, I could accept the whole ‘he has put the idea of riding bikes and, hence, keeping active and healthy in the nation’s mindset’, meaning he is indirectly doing good for the nation in a way you can’t argue with. Yes, fair enough. But he’s also advertising breakfast cereals and shaving tools. I don’t see that as being of much use to the world as a whole, but they’re still more than happy to slap his Sir tag all over them. It’s a fucking insult to the title, even though as I mentioned I don’t give a shit about them and oh god I’m in a bad mood today.


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