Maintaining my ravishing mane is becoming problematic, I have to admit. It looks shit, for one, which is a pretty major problem what with me having to be seen out in public.

It’s really weird around the ears. Also it’s a lot greyer than it was when I wasn’t this old. Which is a mild irritation.

Last time around when I grew my hair it was very different. I cared even less about my appearance, somehow, I was drunk pretty much all the time and – most importantly of all – I had a(n admittedly small) selection of hats.

And that’s the key issue: hats. I own a single hat, but it’s not appropriate until I actually have the locks to back it up. Otherwise it’s just a big brown mushroom thing on top of me. And it probably smells bad. Not that that really matters.

What I need is a new selection. I need a new batch of baseball caps (I’m 28 and English) to tide me over while the fur elongates to 2005 standards.

And now I think of it, there’s only about a month until Groezrock, the reason the hair is growing, and it’s not going to get long enough. This is a tremendous waste of time.

But hey, at least I’ve saved the £8 I would have spent getting the locks whipped, and I haven’t had to go through the whole ‘talking’ thing the barber always expects. I AM NOT GOOD AT SMALL TALK.

I need to shave my head in order to re-Rollins myself. Life is pain.


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