It can be quite difficult coming up with hilarious comedy all the time. I know I make it look damn easy, but believe me – it’s not. It’s hard god damn work being this good. And consistent. We all know everything I write is hilarious.
As it is such a pain at times, I want to help everyone else in the world out by providing them with a few free-to-use punchlines they can do with as they please.
Well, as long as they’re not used in race-hate jokes or anything like that. Paedophilia jokes are fine, mind. They should fit most kinds of comedy and most situations, though, as I want to keep them unspecific and open for most anyone to use.
“But the problem with a loaf that size is it can’t be baked in a traditional oven!”
“Frankly, the sheer number of variables make it so this experiment just isn’t viable in the short term, but maybe if we could secure more funding it would be doable!”
“We’re sorry, your application to be King Of The World has been rejected!”
“It turned out wearing green trainers in the state of Wyoming wasn’t allowed on a Sunday, at least not in that particular building I was in at the time on that day at that time on that day!”
“The problem there being my name was Carlos and hers was Marina – and we all know what that means!”
“BUT I DON’T LIKE BISCUITS!”
I know it’s hard to believe just how malleable yet still hilarious I’ve managed to make these punchlines, but that’s because I’m amazing.
If you have any to add, please don’t – you’re just not as good at this as I am. I’m surprised I can even write this sentence through all the tears streaming from my face (the tears are from laughter, not because it makes me sad how brilliant I am).