The second best of the foods

There’s a food on a par with sandwiches – I know you don’t believe me. I didn’t believe myself. I’ve known for a long time; so much so that I’ve just accepted it without even realising. But a concentrated period of consuming this particular food on a regular basis has… shown me. I’ve awoken. I am… awake…d.

So here’s to soup.

Whether it a barely-flavoured water or be it tickling the boundaries of what constitutes a stew, there’s a soup for any situation. Also, when you’re not bothering to make them from scratch, they’re really easy to make. Here are the instructions:

  1. Put soup in pan.
  2. Dance.
  3. Stir.
  4. Jig.
  5. Serve.
  6. Twirl.
  7. CONSUME (not consommé).
  8. Dream of your next soup.
  9. Charleston.

And that’s why it’s so great: because it’s soup. Also because of all the other reasons. That I won’t be revealing, because I don’t want to reveal the true secrets of soup to all of you vulture bastards. BASTARDS.

So whether you’re hot or cold, young or old, if you’re drunk or sober, hungry or less hungryober, there’s always soup. Come rain or shine, even if you’re trapped down a mine, when you want to put hot tasty liquid down your throat, you can get some soup (sometimes flavoured with goat!).

Soup. Soup. Soup. Soup. Soup. SOUP.


I’ve run out of soup.


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